Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Meltdown

Yesterday was emotionally draining....I guess! I can say that I haven't spent one day without thinking of my dad since he passed away in April 2004. I don't talk about him too often as it is still really painful and I just can't bring it up randomly.

Yesterday I was talking with on of my co-worker (L) about how being at work is not good when one has some bad news about personal matters. Talking about that took me right back to the day I called the hospital where my dad had just had surgery, to make sure that he was OK and was told that he was in critical conditions....they couldn't really say at that point...This was a big shock and being at work and having to hide my emotions didn't make it any easier.

Husby and I watched "Walk the Line" last night, which by the way is a really good movie, but it upset me. If anyone has seen both "Walk the Line" and "Ray", I am sure that you can see pattern with the cheating, the alcohol, the drugs...it is just the way it is for people in that kind of environment. My dad was a musician, it was his job. He was around alcohol all the time and drank too much. I don't know about drugs and I don't want to know...I am pretty sure that he never cheated on my mom though. My dad never recovered from his surgery because his liver was really damaged and his patelets were low. Anyway, watching this movie made me mad at the whole thing.

I didn't really put everything together (the discussion at work plus the movie) until I went to bed though, when I started thinking about my dad's death. I started replaying the days preceding it with all the worrying, the sadness, the unknown...and I can still feel everyhing as if it was yesterday. I started crying and couldn't stop. It was not a few tears rolling down my cheeks, it was very very emotional...I haven't cried like that in a long time. I was alone in bed and didn't want to annoy Husby as there is not much he can do about it, I just needed to get it out of my system.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Kyra said...

Sorry to hear about the painful memories you're dealing with, Bebu. A good, long cry can be really healing sometimes.

Thinking of you--Kyra

March 09, 2006  
Blogger Bebu said...

Thank you Kyra. I guess it's just the reality of life...one day or another we pass away. I keep reminding me that he's ok now though and it makes me feel better.

Thanks again for your sweet words.

Bebu

March 09, 2006  

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