Friday, November 11, 2005

Lost Friendship

I have been having a hard time making friends since I have arrived in the States 5 years ago. I don't seem to be able to meet people, and if I do, we don't get along enough to actually become "friends".

The only person who I considered my friend was F. She is French like me, and when we met it was like meeting somebody really special. You know that person with whom you can talk for hours and hours and never have that awkward moment where you look for something to talk about. We didn't see each other often, but when we did we had fun.

F has had a hard life, and I slowly realized that i was mostly listening to her talking about her problems rather than having 2-way discussions. Everything went down when I got married. She couldn't make it to my bachelorette party because it ended up being too late (it was a Thursday night), but worst of all I didn't hear from her until one month after the wedding when she invited me for her birthday (We had a really small wedding with only Husby's family.) Needless to say that I was disappointed and upset.

When she sent me an e-mail for Thanksgiving last year, I replied, and we started talking again. I was ready to forgive her and move on. Last February was the last time we talked, I spent 45 minutes listening to her problems without being able to say anything...that's when I drew the line. I decided not to call her again.

I thought about her quite often. She had told me that she thought that she was going to get engaged soon, so I wondered how she was doing....I missed her. She never called...until last night. She is leaving to Australia. She wants to see me before she leaves...she sounded upset.

We are seeing each other tomorrow. I am upset that our friendship failed. I wonder what has happened in her life, I am looking forward to see her tomorrow probably for the last time....

All that just to say that it sucks not having anybody that you can call a friend. Somebody that you can call when you are upset, when you want to complain or just talk about the funniest thing that happened to you today. Somebody to have a girl talk with.

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